The all-new list of 50 things I have done in my life:
1. Got down on my hands and knees and crawled around whilst going “waaaa! WWAAAA!” like a baby at a job interview.
2. Stripped on webcam and hated every minute of it.
3. Stripped on webcam and loved every minute of it.
4. Found some party popper string up my fanny.
5. Have had a porcelain piggy bank smashed on my head.
6. Climbed into Dennis’s kebab van and tossed some salad before I threw up in the taxi home and didn’t pay my fare.
7. Tried to retrieve forbidden fruit from a tree with a bow and arrow.
8. Walked out of Sunday school at my dad’s church listening to Rage Against the Machine as an act of rebellion.
9. Wandered through a graveyard dressed as a robot.
10. Called an American tourist a bitch.
11. Climbed on top of a giant inflatable dinosaur then (apparently) requested someone show me their balls.
12. Touched someone’s huge surgery scar on their stomach in a public toilet.
13. Swapped shoes with four different people in a pub.
14. Had to deal with my brother (who was really high on drugs) whilst in the middle of reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
15. Walked out of five different jobs.
16.
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25.
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28.
29.
30.
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32.
33.
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35.
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44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.

x

I want a perfect soul.

- Janeway.

-Leeloo.

-Skin.